Ten Reasons to Buy Stocks Now [humor]

growthstockwireI’ve respected Jeff Clark’s advice on the markets for years now. In the last two weeks he’s made a compelling case for a major. imminent decline in the stock market. I’m getting ready to jump into some DXD (the double DOW down fund).

Then this morning I was mystified to read this headline from him:

Ten Reasons to Buy Stocks Now

For the past few weeks, I’ve been spouting off about all the reasons to stay out of the stock market.

Numerous technical indicators are flashing “sell” signals. There’s massive negative divergence on the charts of all the major broad market indexes. Insider selling is at its highest level since late 2007. The public has forgotten all about the tortuous decline suffered just a few months ago and is casually tossing what’s left of its savings back into the most speculative stocks like a toddler throwing coins into a wishing fountain.

Of course, nobody really wants to hear stuff like that. As one reader put it, “Enough already with the negativity. Can’t you find any good reasons to buy stocks?”

The reader is right. Frankly, I’m tired of being bearish on the stock market. It’s time to blow away the storm clouds of negativity and enjoy the lemon drop sunshine and gummy bear rainbows. Let’s stop focusing on the bad stuff. Instead, join hands with your neighbor and share good thoughts.

And if you’ll hum a little Kumbaya, I’ll share my top 10 reasons to buy stocks right now…

10) The Feds are already doing everything they can to destroy your wealth. Putting all you have into stocks will get the job done faster and free up their time for other things.

9) Bernie Madoff thinks it’s a good idea.

8) You won’t need a calculator to figure out your net worth.
 
7) Your broker won’t have to take a second career delivering pizzas. That’ll open up a job for someone else. The employment report will improve, and you’ll be credited with kicking off the economic boom of 2009.

6) Standing in soup lines is a great way to meet new people.

5) You won’t feel guilty benefiting from the “Take a penny, Leave a penny” tray at the local Starbucks.

4) It’s “Opposite Day.”

3) A diet of Top Ramen and generic beer will bring back all those wonderful memories from college.

2) Homelessness will take your mind off of global warming.

And, the No. 1 reason to buy stocks right now…

1) You won’t have any of those pesky capital gains taxes to worry about at the end of the year.

Best regards and good trading,
Jeff Clark

(Read more from Jeff on The Gowth Stock Wire.)

Humor: How Wall St Works

From Jim Sinclair:

Wall Street Economics

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, ‘Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’ 

Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’ 

‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

‘OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

‘What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?

‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’

Chuck said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.’ 

‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck now works for Morgan Stanley in their OTC Default Derivative Department.

Bored of Education’s New Test

That smile you’ll soon enjoy is courtesy of  “Nance”.

NEW HIGH SCHOOL EXIT EXAM
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI’s first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below..

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI’s first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

Humor: New Pothole Strategy

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Humor: The Worst

’nuff said.

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Fail to the Chief, Bonus Round

…back for one last round of bashing, I give you the worst president in US history. Please, take him.

bush43-worst-est-ever

another-mission-accomplished

bush-iraq-jackpot

God responds

bush-classic-vietnam

bushwar by dees

Nigerian Email Scam

Hurricane Ike

What I Learned From Bush

Bloddy Hell

Sumpin' fishy

Bush's Alter Ego

change-of-power

bush-countdown

Fail to the Chief, Episode Three

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wink-queen

bush_draft

bush_worst_disaster

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bush book upside down

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bush-new-orleans

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No More Lockbox

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almost-done

Have fun in Paraguay, Mr. Preznit.